The Funniest Valentine

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To all aboard the H. G. Wells, I am the President of the United States, The Funniest Valentine. Presently I am at the UN Headquarters in New York, attending an emergency meeting of the security council.
—The Funniest Valentine, JORGE JOESTAR Chapter 10: H.G. Wells

The Funniest Valentine (ザ・ファニエスト・ヴァレンタイン Za Faniesuto Varentain) is a supporting character in the 37th universe, featured in the light novel JORGE JOESTAR. Initially an antagonist, he later becomes an ally in the final battle.

The Funniest is a Stand User who wields Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, with the powerful ability to travel across parallel universes. He is the son of Funnier Valentine and the grandson of Funny Valentine from the 37th universe.


The Funniest is a tall man with a slim body. He has thick angled eyebrows and is described as being identical to his grandfather but with his curls cut short.[2] He has light curly hair pointed upwards, curling into several wide rings.

The Funniest wears an ordinary suit and tie. The top of his tie has a star.


Similar to the original universe's Funny Valentine, The Funniest is a dignified but immoral patriot. For the sake of the United States, he acts militantly and threatens to flip Morioh and all of its citizens when the town suddenly detaches itself from Japan and becomes an island sailing west toward America.[3]

Like his father, he doesn't hesitate to kill others for the sake of achieving his goals. He threatens to remotely detonate the H. G. Wells Spaceship that his father and the other astronauts are on, lying that it is to prevent Ultimate Kars from returning to earth. However, he and Funnier had already planned beforehand and negotiated with Kars, stating that they would provide him a method of reentry to earth if Kars does not eat any Americans.[4]

He is brave and risk-taking, staying calm as he jumps down from a helicopter without any parachute. He temporarily cooperates with Dio Brando until Dio decides to get the Saint's Corpse for himself. The Valentines believe they have a duty to keep the Saint's Corpse in America and will stop at nothing to fulfill that duty, even if wars or genocide occurs as a result.[2]



Main article: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

The Funniest has the same Stand as the Funny Valentine from the original universe as well as the Funny Valentine from the second universe where the Steel Ball Run race took place. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (D4C), enables him access at any time to any number of alternate worlds/universes/dimensions. If desired, he may swap bodies with his counterparts, granting him pseudo-immortality. This requires him to get caught between two objects, such as a flag and the ground. He can warp others away with the same process.

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (いともたやすく行われるえげつない行為)Link to this section
JORGE JOESTAR Chapter 16: Beyond II
Dimensional Travel


This section requires expansion.



  • The Funniest Valentine was the first person in history to be named "The".[1]


  1. 1.0 1.1 JORGE JOESTAR Chapter 6: Island
  2. 2.0 2.1 JORGE JOESTAR Chapter 16: Beyond II
  3. JORGE JOESTAR Chapter 4: Morioh
  4. JORGE JOESTAR Chapter 10: H.G. Wells

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