- Hair: Light blond
- Eyes: Blue
- Outfit: Pink coat and purple trousers.
Funny Valentine (ファニー・ヴァレンタイン, Fanī Varentain) is the main antagonist of Steel Ball Run.
Funny Valentine is the President of the United States and the true mastermind behind the Steel Ball Run race. He watches the competition from behind the curtains and hopes to gather the Saint's Corpse to use the holy relic to further the United States of America's interests.
Valentine is a Stand User, wielding his Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap and its dimensional abilities to travel across parallel universes.
Valentine adopts two main appearances, differing greatly in build. He is introduced as an old, stout, overweight man.
About the time he takes the rib cage of the Saint, Valentine gains a fit, muscular build and a more handsome appearance.
After this, it is revealed that spanning his back, Valentine bears deep scars, in a pattern resembling that of the 21st century flag of the United States.
He consistently wears long, light hair, curling at its ends into a number of thick, well-defined rings (perhaps as a reference to the white periwigs and hairstyles of the 18th century,[4] as worn by several early United States Presidents[5]).
He also normally dons a smooth, uniform outfit, including an overcoat closed to the end of his torso. Under which he wears frilled garments and a pair of gloves with a net pattern on the upper half.
This section requires expansion.
Funny Valentine's first and foremost characteristic is his deep patriotism. Marked by the gruesome fate of his father, Valentine's goal is that the United States stand over the rest of the world. To do so, he seeks the blessing of the Saint Corpse Parts, becoming ecstatic when the Corpse blesses him. Despite this, Valentine is callous about the lives of individual Americans, never hesitating to sacrifice his own subordinates in his quest for the Corpse, and going as far as to kill them himself if he deems it necessary.
Valentine is a ruthless individual, having a might-makes-right attitude toward the world. He thinks that power is founded on authority, and part of the reason he wants the Corpse is to obtain a spiritual authority on par with the Vatican. Convinced that not everyone's wishes can be fulfilled, Valentine chooses to put the United States' prerogatives above the interests of the rest of the world. Valentine respects ambition and ruthlessness and ultimately entrusts the Corpse to an alternate Diego Brando. Claiming that his methods require the least sacrifices possible, they still liberally involve murder and generally violence, and manipulation of the people around him.
Valentine possesses a code of honor, first putting his patriotism above his own interests, and is a man of his words, never killing Steven Steel despite having reasons to, only because he swore an oath. Valentine respects the prowess of his adversaries, notably admiring the Spin technique as Ball Breaker tries to breach the dimensional wall. Nonetheless, Valentine will twist this code whenever convenient and isn't above lying to gain an advantage. He is also a very polite man, never losing that politeness and dignity even when pitted against his enemies.
Funny Valentine is generally cold toward any individual. The only person he's admitted to having loved is his father, confessing to have been searching for him across multiple universes, although that claim is dubious. Despite his marriage with Scarlet and the two sharing a certain fondness for each other, Valentine only appeared to be a little disturbed by her death. Infatuated by Lucy Steel disguised as his wife, Valentine tried to rape her and declared that she would bear his child. Valentine keeps a professional distance with his subordinates at best, only caring that they fulfill his orders, whether they die or not.
Valentine's Stand, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (D4C), enables him access at any time to any number of alternate worlds/universes/dimensions; where if desired he may swap bodies with his counterparts, granting him pseudo-immortality. This requires him to get caught between two objects (for example, a flag and the ground or a sofa and the wall). This limits D4C's ability but not by much since he has gotten caught between water and the bottom of the ocean as a method of using his ability before.
When Lucy develops Ticket to Ride, Valentine may utilize a protective wall of light emanating from her which deflects all misfortune, bolstering his defense further as he becomes effectively invincible. He names this complementary ability "D4C - Love Train".
According to his wife, he makes no sound when he walks, and he can even play the mandolin using his feet, simply dancing on it.[6]
When the President was a child, his father went to war, and never came back. One day, a soldier named Captain Valentine came to Funny's house and told him that his father was captured by the enemy. After resisting intense torture, he committed suicide in order not to betray his country. He retained a handkerchief (horrifically, behind his eye) which Captain Valentine then gave to Funny.[3]
It is implied that Funny's mother remarried with Captain Valentine some time later.
While on an excavation, Valentine's company perished in a desert. Valentine himself, exhausted, fell onto the site of the Corpse's Heart. His life was saved due to the Corpse's power, and he inferred the existence of a complete Corpse.
At some point later, he was captured by the enemy and brutally whipped, leaving scars spanning his back (in a pattern resembling that of the flag of the United States).[7]
The Steel Ball Run race is a plot set up by Valentine and the down-on-his-luck promoter, Steven Steel, to scope through the United States to get the Saint Corpse Parts which were rumored to have life changing power. As he hosted and monitored the event, he'd send out people of his choosing to make sure things didn't go haywire in the process while at the same time trying to find pieces of the corpse parts themselves.
By obtaining the corpse, Valentine, being a patriot, wishes to use its power to bring a better future to America by merging his stand and the corpse's power to deflect all misfortunes befalling on his country to foreign countries.
During the race, Valentine employs many assassins to kill both Gyro Zeppeli and Johnny Joestar, even having some participate in the race to get close to the duo. The majority of his subordinates are Stand users, such as Blackmore, Mike O. and Diego Brando from Another Universe.
Valentine discovers a traitor in his ranks, which he first believed to be Mountain Tim, then his wife, Scarlet, before finding the real traitor: Lucy Steel (disguised as Scarlet).
Once learning that the Corpse parts were embedded within Lucy, he had her live with him, knowing that she was disguised as his wife, and in the hopes of taking the Corpse parts out of her when the time was right.
After seeing Lucy for what she truly is, he holds her until the Corpse's power is at its fullest. He hires D-I-S-C-O to stall Gyro so he can kill Johnny himself. Using Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, He sends both Diego Brando and Wekapipo (both have since defected from Valentine's employ) to alternate dimensions to shoot Johnny and eliminate the three at once. He fights Wekapipo and Diego with the odds in his favor, then Diego uses Scary Monsters to guide Johnny to safety and shoot Valentine. However, Valentine uses his Stand to replace his dying body.
He takes off in a train to protect Lucy from Diego and Hot Pants, while Ticket to Ride takes form. He makes several clones to fight off the two but is nearly killed by Diego. After fighting and killing Diego, Lucy's Stand takes form and powers up D4C. He quickly uses it to kill Hot Pants and prepares to fight Gyro and Johnny.
When Gyro and Johnny finally show up to confront the president, Valentine shows the full extent of his new ability. Valentine misdirects everything that was intended to kill him to another part of the world, killing someone else. However, Gyro tells Johnny that it is time for "Lesson 5", meaning the use of the Super Spin. As Gyro prepares for the Super Spin, Valentine shoots him non-lethally. However, with the effects of D4C -Love Train, the wound travels up his body towards a more lethal spot. Gyro then summons Ball Breaker and passes through the dimensional barrier, accelerating the age of half of Valentine's face. As the wound travels up Gyro's body, he shoots Ball Breaker a second time, seemingly killing Valentine. However, Valentine was turned into a old man due to the second attack and after recovering, he finally manages to kill Gyro.
After killing Gyro, Johnny relentlessly tries to do anything possible to even harm Valentine, but to no avail. Valentine then shoots Johnny's horse, Slow Dancer, to eliminate the chance of seeing the Golden Rectangle. In a last ditch effort, Johnny uses one of Gyro's steel balls to heal his horse which kicks him into the air, activating Tusk ACT 4.
After being hit by Tusk ACT 4, he found himself subjected to the Spin, which drove him into a hole in the ground every time he jumped to another dimension. He attempted to bribe his way away from this by offering Johnny a brand new Gyro Zeppeli, whom he shot and killed prior, in return for Johnny ending the Spin. Johnny refuses, stating that even a Gyro from another dimension would not be the same Gyro as the one he had adventured with.
After an explanation of how he wanted to use the Corpse parts for his country, he mentions that Hot Pants died. However, he managed to take the spray from another dimension's Hot Pants and hands it over to Johnny so that he can heal Lucy. Johnny, though gradually trusting the president, tosses Valentine's empty pistol to his side and challenges him to pick it up, harboring a suspicion that Valentine had brought a pistol back with him from an alternative dimension to attack him with. The suspicion proved correct, and knowing that if he picked up the pistol it would merge with the one from the alternative dimension and reveal his intention to betray Johnny, he hesitated for a moment. After reaffirming his personal sense of justice, he draws his weapon and shoots Johnny, who in turn shoots back at him. The gunfight results in the final death of the president.
At the conclusion of Steel Ball Run, it is mentioned that despite Valentine's disappearance from the public eye at the end of the race, he attained approval ratings as high as 91%.
Valentine is a playable character in All Star Battle (PS3), he was the last standard character confirmed for the game, alongside "Kosaku Kawajiri". As a Part 7 character, three parts of the Holy Corpse appear scattered on stages when he, Johnny, or Gyro are used, which they can pick up to receive blessings that boost their performance in combat. Valentine has the lowest health in the game, reflecting his many "deaths" throughout the part. Valentine is both the only playable villain and "Stand" Style fighter in Part 7. Valentine can turn Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap on/off, changing movesets, as well as have access to the Stand Rush ability returning from the Capcom game, being able to attack in conjunction with his Stand.
During a fight, Valentine showcases skills and feats he had performed throughout Steel Ball Run.
While D4C is off:
While D4C is on:
Valentine receives a new blessing every time he picks up one of the three Holy Corpse Parts, but if knocked down, loses it as he drops the part.
Valentine's HHA, "Guess who's back!" (連れて戻って来た!) is a counter. Valentine and D4C openly present themselves to the opponent with a shrug. If the opponent's non-Throw/GHA connects, Valentine will slam them into the ground as he disappears. He will come up with two more Valentines as the three beat the downed opponent, before D4C throws the oppponent into the air. In unison, all three Valentines uppercut the opponent and send them flying as the two that were summoned return to their dimensions.
Valentine's GHA, simply named "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" (いともたやすく行われるえげつない行為, Renamed "Filthy acts, at a reasonable price" in the English localization), is unblockable, and has him pull out a large flag and blanket it forward as Valentine declares the attack something the opponent should be honored to receive. If the opponent is caught, they are draped over by the flag (an image reminiscent of a military funeral ceremony) and Valentine jumps in shortly afterward. The two are pulled into another dimension, interrupting the battle between alternate universe versions of themselves. While Valentine poses with his expecting doppelganger, the opponent slams into theirs as they violently disintegrate into a shower of Menger Sponges as per the rules of D4C.
Valentine has a special skill exclusive to him, "Back from the 'other side'" (自分を「隣りへ」捨てて「入れ替わっている」). He can only perform the skill when he has all three Corpse Parts and three stocks of the Heart Heat Gauge. Valentine will swap places with an alternate version of him from another dimension, which completely refills his health bar. If Valentine is low on health and has activated "Rumble Mode", then it will persist into his transition, leaving him at full health with Rumble Mode engaged. The drawback of this move, however, is that Valentine loses all Corpse Parts and his HHG is disabled for the rest of entire match. If struck by Kosaku-Kira's GHA after having used this skill successfully, Valentine's HHG will be restored once time has looped backward.
Valentine triggers unique animations when hit by Johnny and Gyro's GHAs respectively.
In the English localization, if Valentine is mirror matched against himself, during the dialogue before the fight, the first Valentine will provoke saying "Get ready for amber waves of pain!", while the second Valentine will say "Hello me. Meet the REAL me" (the latter being a lyric from the song "Sweating Bullets" by the band Megadeth)
Valentine possesses an alternate costume, being the attire he used during his first appearance (a more classic president-like suit for the time period). In the English localization, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap is simply shorted to "D4C".
Valentine was confirmed for JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Eyes of Heaven alongside Johnny, Gyro, and Diego Brando from Another Universe.
In the game's story, Valentine summons DIO from another universe to defeat Johnny Joestar. He eventually realizes DIO's evil tendencies and plan to conquer all universes, and decides to ally himself with the protagonists. He secretly gives aid to the Joestars through confirmation of the original universe DIO's status and hints at the weakness of DIO's new Heaven Ascension form. He also helps Joseph confirm that the side effect regarding two versions of the same person or object co-existing in the same dimension does not apply if they are from the same timeline.
As his cover is blown by DIO, Valentine reveals his reason for betrayal, following the path of true justice, even it means to sacrifice his life. At this point, he confronts DIO and attacks his Heaven Ascension form head on, but is promptly defeated.
He is paired with Lisa Lisa in the Eyes of Heaven Tournament, but was eliminated in the preliminaries by Wamuu and N'Doul.
Cover illustration of JoJo's Bizarre Words
Valentine captures the heart of the Saint's Corpse
Valentine prepares for the final battle against Gyro and Johnny
Valentine protected by Ticket to Ride
Valentine after Gyro's Super Spin Attack
Funny Valentine's main CG in All-Star Battle
Valentine along with other main antagonists in All-Star Battle
Funny Valentine Costume A in All-Star Battle
All-Star Battle concept art
Funny Valentine's main CG in Eyes of Heaven
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