Crazy Heartbreakers Chapter 1

"What am I aiming for? Well, you see, humans are always attracted to the unknown fear, NiNiNi."

- Rohan Kishibe (Pink Dark Boy)

Dire straits (凶運の境界) is the first chapter of Crazy Heartbreakers, a light novel based on the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure series.

Summary
In 1988, Egypt, a teenage boy is with his younger cousin in an alley in the southern downtown area of Luxor. The boy, Noriaki Kakyoin, just pushed his cousin into an alcove of a building. She tells him that she's afraid, but he warns her not to leave or show her face. The boy goes back onto the street, where he is confronted by an inhuman creature named DIO. DIO praises Kakyoin's ability as a Stand user. Upon Kakyoin's confusion, DIO explains how he named the term based on how the guardian spirits stand by their users. Kakyoin instinctively realizes that DIO's Stand is much more powerful than his and the anxiety makes him feel like vomiting. DIO approaches him and calms him down with a soft voice before implanting him with a flesh bud. The young girl starts crying but suddenly hears a strange noise; in the night sky, she sees a parrot flying.

In March 1999, Hol Horse is standing on a street in the center of Cairo known as "Wilson Phillips Street" by the locals. The name is derived from a tragedy that occurred 10 years ago where American Senator Wilson Phillips suddenly drove onto the sidewalk, causing 53 casualties and dying himself. His bodyguards had their arms shattered after the incident and were admitted to a mental hospital. Hol Horse has now become a private detective. As he was about to step into a back alley, a young boy gets his attention by calling him a Yankee. Hol Horse tells the boy he isn't American, but the boy laughs since he's dressed like a cowboy. He warns Hol Horse that he can't go down that street, threatening that he'll be in trouble unless Hol Horse hires the boy as his guide. Hol Horse ignores the boy and tries going further down the street but suddenly is back from where he started. The boy laughs again, telling Hol Horse to pay him if he wants his guidance. However, Hol Horse summons his Stand, Emperor, and shoots toward the path he had just exited. The boy wonders what Hol Horse just did, mocking him after Hol Horse claims he just shot a gun as a signal for those who can hear it. Suddenly, the boy witnesses Hol Horse's body gradually vanish and he runs away screaming.

Hol Horse is now inside a labyrinth resembling ancient ruins, which once used to be DIO's mansion. He asks Kenny G. to show him a sign of where to go. One door opens with a creak, but Hol Horse sees that it's completely dark inside. Mariah tells Hol Horse through a speaker to deactivate his Stand just so they can be safe, so Hol Horse reluctantly obliges. An electric shutter powered by Bastet activates and lets Hol Horse through, where he enters a dimly lit room that was once a café. When Mariah turns on the rest of the lights, Hol Horse asks where her husband, Kenny G., is since he's heard that the man lost so much weight that he looks like a hermit now. Mariah responds that he won't come out since he doesn't like Hol Horse. Hol Horse asks where the Oingo Boingo brothers are and learns that they are in Room 4U. They haven't paid Mariah for their room for a month so she asks him to get them to leave for her. Hol Horse barges into the room and looks for Boingo, but hears no response. Due to Tenore Sax, the room looked like it belonged to a luxury hotel, with the sea visible from the window. Kenny G. and Mariah's hideout was very valuable as a safe house in the unsecure area they lived in. With the street being known as a "cursed street" and Kenny G. being able to confuse anyone who approaches, they were easily able to keep pursuers away, so the cost of staying was very high.

In the bedroom, Hol Horse hears Oingo crying. Oingo gave a girl money because she wanted to start a business, but then she ran away to Japan. Hol Horse tells him that he never learns, wondering if he fell for another facial massage apprentice. Changing the subject, Hol Horse asks where Boingo is, but Oingo continues crying and doesn't respond. Hol Horse examines various areas in the room and then discovers Boingo hiding in the closet after seeing the hem of his clothes sticking under it. Despite being an adult, Boingo still has a childlike face and physique. Hol Horse takes Tohth from Boingo, but the next page doesn't surface yet. Since he has to wait longer, Hol Horse heads back to Mariah, asking her for a beer. She stays in place, instead asking Hol Horse if he still has dreams of DIO. Mariah has been having constant dreams about DIO ordering her to defeat the Joestars, with Mariah being unable to do anything but grovel and apologize. The Speedwagon Foundation already told Mariah about all the terrible things DIO did, but she wonders why she still calls him "Lord DIO" in her dreams. She mentions that DIO wasn't exactly like mythological vampires since crosses and garlic didn't affect him, but he still had an immortal body and drained life from others. Hol Horse attempts to comfort her, saying that they're lucky that they survived. Boingo then enters the room trembling, showing Hol Horse a new page in his book. Hol Horse sees a map with the text on the pages stating that what Hol Horse is looking for is hidden in M Prefecture in S City.

Ryoko Kakyoin stands in front of a grave, feeling downhearted. At school, boys thought of her as "cold and snobbish", whereas girls thought she was "always calm and reliable" but would leave her alone. Her friends teased that she looked like a bug with a large antenna because of her bang. The captain of the soccer team who was popular among the girls in school also once told her that her hairstyle makes her difficult to approach. The grave she is visiting is where Noriaki Kakyoin is buried, which is also the Kakyoin family's ancestral tomb. Ryoko just learned that the tomb is being relocated to a distant suburb due to urban redevelopment, so the government ordered the family to cooperate. She wanted to report to Kakyoin that she had just passed the university entrance exam, but hearing the news about his grave being moved left her feeling dejected. Suddenly, Ryoko hears a loud sound which she once heard in the past. She chases after it, spotting the silhouette of a parrot flying in the sky. She has the urge to capture it, but she trips and the bird's sound eventually gets further away until she could no longer hear it. While on the ground, her hand comes across a strange comic book with "OINGO BOINGO" written in the title. Ryoko is about to throw it away until she catches a quick glimpse of the name "DIO" inside it, deciding to read the pages in-depth.

Meanwhile, Hol Horse arrived in Morioh but as soon as he left the station, Boingo had suddenly disappeared. Hol Horse looks around, admiring how prosperous the city appears compared to places like Egypt or India. Hol Horse feels annoyed that Oingo didn't come along with them, but Oingo didn't want to go to Japan because of the woman who dumped him being there. Hol Horse tries approaching pedestrians to ask them if they saw Boingo, but they all ignore him and quickly walk away. Hol Horse has a culture shock since the Japanese people he had met around the world were generally friendly compared to the people actually inside the country, especially compared to India where vendors would flock to people without even calling them. A little girl points out Hol Horse to her mom, excited to see a cowboy. Hol Horse tries talking to them, but the child's mother quickly pulls her away. Hol Horse realizes he has no choice but to investigate on his own. Suddenly, he hears DIO's voice in his head. Just then, a possessed driver accelerates his car at full speed toward the sidewalk, as if he is following orders from someone. Hol Horse sees the children on the sidewalk and wonders where he should shoot, since shooting the driver's forehead wouldn't stop the car from accelerating, and destroying the front wheel wouldn't work either since the car has too much momentum. His hand starts trembling, which started happening ever since he accidentally shot himself. Not having time to worry, Hol Horse shoots at the left front wheel, changing the car's direction from the children toward Hol Horse instead.

Not having time to run away, Hol Horse accepts his fate as the car nearly crashes into him. However, when he opens his eyes, he sees the car launched into the air, crashing into an empty shop's window. Josuke Higashikata approaches Hol Horse, realizing Hol Horse's gun is like his own ability. Josuke hostilely asks Hol Horse why he would fire his gun in the middle of the town. Hol Horse is shocked upon seeing Josuke's hairstyle, thinking he had never met anyone with such bizarre hair despite traveling all around the world. Josuke insults Hol Horse's fashion, asking whether he's some idiot having fun dressing up like a cowboy. Hol Horse was about to do the same by insulting Josuke's hair, but calmly asks Josuke whether he was the one to threaten the driver with his Stand. Josuke is confused upon hearing the term, so Hol Horse explains that he meant the ability Josuke used to punch the car. When Hol Horse looks at the car, he is surprised to see that there's no dent where the car was punched, as if it had been restored. Josuke continues intimidating Hol Horse, so Hol Horse decides to bluff his way through it using his words, just as he did in the past. He offers to spare Josuke by shooting his heart rather than his head, since it would be a shame to mess up his cool hairstyle. That remark makes Josuke's intimidation disappear and he happily walks toward Hol Horse without summoning his Stand. Bewildered, Hol Horse doesn't attack him since he's unarmed. Josuke then grabs Hol Horse's hand and shakes it, excitedly pointing out how Hol Horse understands his great hairstyle. Josuke apologizes for misunderstanding the situation and assuming Hol Horse was a bad guy. Finally, he praises Hol Horse's outfit by saying the cowboy appearance suits him perfectly and looks cool, leaving Hol Horse utterly confused.