Crazy Heartbreakers Chapter 1

"What am I aiming for? Well, you see, humans are always attracted to the unknown fear, NiNiNi."

- Rohan Kishibe (Pink Dark Boy)

Dire straits (凶運の境界) is the first chapter of Crazy Heartbreakers, a light novel based on the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure series.

Summary
In 1988, Egypt, a teenage boy is with his younger cousin in an alley in the southern downtown area of Luxor. The boy, Noriaki Kakyoin, just pushed his cousin into an alcove of a building. She tells him that she's afraid, but he warns her not to leave or show her face. The boy goes back onto the street, where he is confronted by an inhuman creature named DIO. DIO praises Kakyoin's ability as a Stand user. Upon Kakyoin's confusion, DIO explains how he named the term based on how the guardian spirits stand by their users. Kakyoin instinctively realizes that DIO's Stand is much more powerful than his and the anxiety makes him feel like vomiting. DIO approaches him and calms him down with a soft voice before implanting him with a flesh bud. The young girl starts crying but suddenly hears a strange noise; in the night sky, she sees a parrot flying.

In March 1999, Hol Horse is standing on a street in the center of Cairo known as "Wilson Phillips Street" by the locals. The name is derived from a tragedy that occurred 10 years ago where American Senator Wilson Phillips suddenly drove onto the sidewalk, causing 53 casualties and dying himself. His bodyguards had their arms shattered after the incident and were admitted to a mental hospital. Hol Horse has now become a private detective. As he was about to step into a back alley, a young boy gets his attention by calling him a Yankee. Hol Horse tells the boy he isn't American, but the boy laughs since he's dressed like a cowboy. He warns Hol Horse that he can't go down that street, threatening that he'll be in trouble unless Hol Horse hires the boy as his guide. Hol Horse ignores the boy and tries going further down the street but suddenly is back from where he started. The boy laughs again, telling Hol Horse to pay him if he wants his guidance. However, Hol Horse summons his Stand, Emperor, and shoots toward the path he had just exited. The boy wonders what Hol Horse just did, mocking him after Hol Horse claims he just shot a gun as a signal for those who can hear it. Suddenly, the boy witnesses Hol Horse's body gradually vanish and he runs away screaming.

Hol Horse is now inside a labyrinth resembling ancient ruins, which once used to be DIO's mansion. He asks Kenny G. to show him a sign of where to go. One door opens with a creak, but Hol Horse sees that it's completely dark inside. Mariah tells Hol Horse through a speaker to deactivate his Stand just so they can be safe, so Hol Horse reluctantly obliges. An electric shutter powered by Bastet activates and lets Hol Horse through, where he enters a dimly lit room that was once a café. When Mariah turns on the rest of the lights, Hol Horse asks where her husband, Kenny G., is since he's heard that the man lost so much weight that he looks like a hermit now. Mariah responds that he won't come out since he doesn't like Hol Horse. Hol Horse asks where the Oingo Boingo brothers are and learns that they are in Room 4U. They haven't paid Mariah for their room for a month so she asks him to get them to leave for her. Hol Horse barges into the room and looks for Boingo, but hears no response. Due to Tenore Sax, the room looked like it belonged to a luxury hotel, with the sea visible from the window. Kenny G. and Mariah's hideout was very valuable as a safe house in the unsecure area they lived in. With the street being known as a "cursed street" and Kenny G. being able to confuse anyone who approaches, they were easily able to keep pursuers away, so the cost of staying was very high.

In the bedroom, Hol Horse hears Oingo crying. Oingo gave a girl money because she wanted to start a business, but then she ran away to Japan. Hol Horse tells him that he never learns, wondering if he fell for another facial massage apprentice. Changing the subject, Hol Horse asks where Boingo is, but Oingo continues crying and doesn't respond. Hol Horse examines various areas in the room and then discovers Boingo hiding in the closet after seeing the hem of his clothes sticking under it. Despite being an adult, Boingo still has a childlike face and physique. Hol Horse takes Tohth from Boingo, but the next page doesn't surface yet. Since he has to wait longer, Hol Horse heads back to Mariah, asking her for a beer. She stays in place, instead asking Hol Horse if he still has dreams of DIO. Mariah has been having constant dreams about DIO ordering her to defeat the Joestars, with Mariah being unable to do anything but grovel and apologize. The Speedwagon Foundation already told Mariah about all the terrible things DIO did, but she wonders why she still calls him "Lord DIO" in her dreams. She mentions that DIO wasn't exactly like mythological vampires since crosses and garlic didn't affect him, but he still had an immortal body and drained life from others. Hol Horse attempts to comfort her, saying that they're lucky that they survived. Boingo then enters the room trembling, showing Hol Horse a new page in his book. Hol Horse sees a map with the text on the pages stating that what Hol Horse is looking for is hidden in M Prefecture in S City.